I have been interested in a particular lady for the past year and a half. During this time, I wrestled with approaching her or making it obvious that I liked her. I did not want to be turned down by a girl again. Past rejections made expressing my true feelings and moving forward with my desires difficult. Also, I respected the young lady a lot and did not want to come off as disrespectful or offensive. Most of my communication with the young lady was through social media. Through that medium, I had a sense of freedom and the ability to communicate with less fear. Sometimes, I would feel like maybe she is interested too; other times, not so much. It was a constant battle of ambiguity for me. I did not know where either of us stood with the desires of my heart. I would ask my friends for advice, to which they all were encouraging yet straightforward with reality.
I do not jump into feelings for many different young ladies every week. I find a young lady and zone in on her with great focus and precision. So, when I move, especially at this age, I move with the intention of marriage being the ultimate goal. I do not want to play with a woman’s emotions or feelings or lead her on when I know I have no desire to truly be with her. Relationships and courting are serious commitments and investments that should not be taken lightly or as common. I know we live in an era with a highly distorted view of relationships. Some women feel like a man they met yesterday is supposed to pay for their nails, hair, rent, and other bills tomorrow. Some men view women as sexual objects and feel like they have all rights, privileges, and access to their bodies without a marriage commitment. Some expect the other to have two houses, six figures, and a private island. Some cannot fathom that a man may not yet have every detail of his life together. Why? Social media has many living in delusion with often unrealistic expectations of each other.
My interest in the young lady only grew more robust over time. I did not want to wait any longer. “What if someone else reaches to her before me while I am here contemplating approaching and expressing my feelings,” I thought. “Just go ahead and lay it on the table because you will continue living in ambiguity if you don’t,” I continued. The whole week, I was nervous. Thankfully, I had my friends for moral support, which eased it a little. I planned to ask her out to eat after church or get her number. One or the other, to make some progress with my feelings. Sunday came. I’m not even going to lie to you. I was in the car praying and stirring myself up in the Holy Ghost. I can laugh about it now, but that is how seriously I took that moment. I rehearsed what I would say as I drew near the church. It was during the Sunday school hour that I saw when she walked in. My heart started racing. Again, I debated whether I should do it or not. I finally built up the courage to approach her.
We talked briefly, and then I asked what she was doing after church. She already had plans. I said, “Alright!” Then I went back to my seat. Honestly, I felt like a failure. I felt like I blew it. I felt I could have said more or made more progress. I updated my friends and got more advice on what to do next. I knew I had to share my heart and feelings. I just wanted it out in the open to know what to do next. I know some people may have their thoughts about texting stuff like this, but it’s the digital world, and marriages have come out of the DMs. Hahahaha! Be not mistaken! Hahaha! So, man or woman, check those inboxes because you may miss God’s blessing for your life. Hahaha!
Anyway, I crafted a follow-up message on Facebook. I wondered if it was too much, but my friend encouraged me to be authentic. I am a very expressive writer, so a short message would not cut it for me. I was honest about my feelings, respectful of wherever she was in the dating world, and intentional about my desires moving forward. I sent the message. I eagerly waited for a response. I did not know what to expect. I tried to remain positive. I tried to remain hopeful. After my devotion this morning, I checked my social media messages and saw a response. I hesitated to open it. Remember, I had unsuccessful past experiences, and I was certain maybe this one would work out.
Well, I was wrong. She responded respectfully that she was not interested and wished me well. WOW! It took me a minute to process what I had just read. “Not again,” I sighed. I was disappointed. I was hurt. I felt foolish for even trying. The sting of rejection. OUCH! Not the best feeling, right? You know, sometimes the enemy can whisper many lies in our ears to make us feel further defeated. None of them are true. Do I understand why it happened this way? No. Would I prefer this route? No. Did I expect this outcome? No. What I do know, though, is that I will understand it better by and by. I learned and will grow through this experience.
Though I am feeling the sting of rejection right now, I know that the Lord has something greater planned. I cannot allow this to make me feel less than a man. I cannot allow this to make me give up on love and marriage. I cannot allow this to make me never want to approach a young lady again. My feelings are valid. It is okay for me to process what I feel. It may take time, and that is okay. It hurts. It stings. That’s life. I will not allow the rejection to define me. I celebrate the closure I received. I know how to move forward. I know that the Lord has tailor-made a young lady for me. I trust Him. I desire to be in His will, even if it hurts me (and boy does it, sometimes). I do not know when, but I know a day is coming. The greatest Author in the universe is writing my story.
And for the overly deep ones….Yes, I know the greatest love I have is Jesus. Yes, I know how to be led by the Spirit. Yes, I have a solid relationship with Jesus. No, I do not need a wife to fill a void. Yes, I am living a fulfilled life now. I know how some people can get. Marriage is beautiful. Jesus ordained marriage. It is not a bad or unspiritual thing to desire.
Above all, you may be on the same ship as me today. You may be feeling the sting of rejection. I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you, and there is not necessarily anything wrong with the person who rejected you, either. It is simply not the Lord’s plan for your life. It sucks, I know. You saw a future with him/her, I know. You may have expressed liking this guy/girl to your friends. Their name may come up in a conversation again, resurfacing feelings of sadness and “what could have been.” Feel the feels, but do not stay there. Do not allow rejection to keep you captive from ever receiving love. Do not allow rejection to build up walls towards others.
It gets better. I do not want to sound cliche, but every “no” is one step closer to the Lord’s “YES” for your life. If you are a man like me, celebrate the courage it took to approach that young lady. Celebrate the step you took. Keep your head up!
The story continues…
Raphael R. Roker 