A Greater Appreciation for Distance
More and more, life experiences have given me a deeper appreciation for the opportunity to leave my home country—even if only for a time.
My hometown is not like the U.S., where you can move to another state and start fresh.
We are a small island nation, so breaking away from the familiarity you are constantly surrounded by is no easy task.
Have you ever felt like your environment made it difficult for you to grow or start over?
One thing I have come to realize is this: people will often hold you to the last version of yourself that they remember—even if it is outdated, even if you have grown.
I am not even talking about close friends, just people you may have crossed paths with.
It is like the concept of growth is foreign to them.
Why do some people struggle to accept who you are becoming?
Some of these individuals do not even really know you; they just have a surface-level perception based on limited interactions.
And somehow, they feel entitled to their assumptions.
It is honestly strange.
The Social Media Moment
About a month or two ago, I posted something on social media that most people seemed to agree with.
But honestly, my goal was not to gain approval or create controversy.
I was simply trying to sound the alarm on what I perceive to be a growing deception.
Then out of nowhere, someone I once had a friendship with during our earlier school years decided to “go off” in the comments.
The response was filled with hostility—and it caught me off guard.
This individual had not been engaging with my content, so I was confused by their sudden, almost pent-up aggression.
What made it more ironic was that others were sharing similar sentiments, yet they were not being targeted.
That is when I knew: people pick and choose who they want to attack, often based on the response they expect to get.
Dragged Through the Dirt
After I asked a genuine question—why me and not the others?—the person took it a step further and made a full post about me on their own platform.
They dragged my name through the dirt.
I knew they were hoping I would respond in a way that would justify their attack, but I refused.
I am a believer in Christ, and I strive to carry myself accordingly.
Still, what shocked me most was not even the post itself—it was the comment section.
I saw people I had never had a real relationship with, chiming in with their opinions about me.
And I thought to myself, “When have I ever had a conversation with these folks?”
Some of them I had not spoken to since high school, which was almost a decade ago.
One person even brought up something from grade 8. Grade 8! I could not even recall what happened, let alone understand why it was still being held against me.
Why do some people hold on to things from your past that you have long moved on from?
The Sad Reality
It is disheartening—really disheartening—that there are people who seem to be waiting in the shadows for your downfall.
Not because they truly know you.
Not because they care.
But simply because they are eager to join the smear campaign the moment one starts.
Why are people are so quick to believe the worst about someone they barely know?
And a lot of the time, it is not about you at all.
It is about how your growth challenges their stagnation.
It is about how your boldness exposes their passivity.
It is easier to attack what they do not understand than to admit they have been watching you from a distance, not growing, just waiting for you to stumble.
The Weight of Familiarity
Have you ever felt boxed in by people who only remember an old version of you?
Unfortunately, that is the kind of culture I would be surrounded by back home.
Familiarity has a way of stifling potential—especially when people refuse to see you beyond your past.
It is as if your growth does not matter because they have already made up their minds about who you are.
That is why I am so thankful for the level of growth and opportunity I have experienced abroad.
Honestly, it has been nothing short of liberating.
Being in a new environment has shown me what it is like to be around people who do not care about low-level, pigeon-minded conversations.
I have always loved the saying, “When you sit with winners, the conversations are different.”
And it is true. You can feel the difference.
What Winners Do Not Do
Winners do not spend their time trying to “blast” someone on social media.
Winners do not go out of their way to add their “two cents” about someone they barely know to follow the “crowd.”
Winners do not waste energy on unproductive banter.
Because they are focused. They are building. They are growing.
Who are you sitting with?
Are your current conversations stretching you—or shrinking you?
Expanding My Horizon
Leaving the borders of my home country gave me something I did not know I needed: perspective.
It gave me access to different rooms, different mindsets, and most importantly—different conversations.
Conversations that challenge, stretch, and inspire.
The ones who talk the most about you are rarely ever on your level.
They are not where you are. They are not even close most times. But they will talk—to distract you. They will talk—to discourage you.
Because that is all they have.
And listen, this is not about boasting. It is not about being prideful. It is just the truth.
Let Them Talk—You Have Greater Work to Do
Let them talk. Let them blast you. Let them tear your name apart. Let them twist the story to make themselves look better.
Let them.
Your work is too great to come down.
This journey is not about reputation.
It is not about popularity.
It is about purpose.
It is about calling.
It is about staying focused on the assignment God placed in your hands.
You do not have time to explain yourself to people committed to misunderstanding you.
Life is too short to stay stuck trying to prove your transformation to those who refuse to see it.
Why give energy to people who are not even part of your assignment?
You do not have energy to waste on pettiness when purpose is calling.
So keep building. Keep growing. Keep walking in the identity God gave you.
Because the noise will always be there—but your destiny speaks louder.
You cannot change your past, but you can move on from it.
People do not have to accept your growth, but you keep growing anyway.
There is a world of opportunities that awaits.
So keep showing up. Keep pressing forward. Keep growing, not for applause, but because you know you were created for more.
Raphael R. Roker 