What a week it has been for me in more ways than one. I celebrated the release of my newest books, An Unshakable Faith and Faith in Action Devotional/Workbook.
At the same time, I navigated the complex and often challenging aspects of day-to-day relationships.
Nevertheless, I love getting to share the ins and outs of my journey with you.
I will not get into the details of everything, but isn’t it wild how you’re always the one left waiting?
As a friend, you’re always holding out hope.
You watch as others receive exactly what you’ve been asking and waiting for.
This happens time and time again.
And somehow, you’re expected to be okay with it.
At what point do you realise that maybe you don’t actually matter to that person the way you thought?
That your presence is just convenient, useful, because they assume you’ll always be there.
They show up for others, but do they show up for you, especially when you know they can?
Oh, for sure, the apologies will ring in when you bring it up. However, an apology doesn’t erase what you felt. It doesn’t erase what you have seen.
I didn’t care for an apology, honestly, or a sad story, because that means not once did it ever cross their mind for them to come to my city, while they have no problem traveling to other friends year after year (the more I think about it, the more it amazes me).
Yet, they say “I miss you,” but it’s just words, clearly.
This week, I chose to value myself enough to say: If I’m not a priority, you don’t deserve my presence.
Let them miss out.
You deserve people who don’t need to be asked twice, who want to show up simply because it’s you.
No begging. No pushing.
Especially when they clearly have no issue doing it for everyone else.
There are people out there who’ll be who you need without hesitation.
For them, it’s not a burden, it’s a pleasure.
Because they take joy in your happiness just as much as you do in theirs.
Here’s what I also realized:
We can “love” people and do things for them — but are we loving them in their language?
What do I mean by that?
Say I sent you $500, and yeah, that’s a good gesture.
But if your love language is words of affirmation, the money might be appreciated, but it won’t fulfill you.
It won’t make you feel seen.
A lot of us think we’re doing enough just because we’re doing something.
But if it’s not speaking to the other person’s heart, then we’re not really pouring into them the way they need.
Learn the love language (or languages) of your friends and relationships — and pour into their cup in ways they actually value.
You’re also not ungrateful just because someone has done things for you, especially if it’s not the thing that keeps your part of the friendship or relationship going.
It doesn’t matter if they’re good at everything else, if they’re not good at what you need from them, it’s not gonna work.
If you’re pouring out, filling their cup, showing up how they need, and you’re not getting the same in return, it’s time to reevaluate.
It’s not selfish.
You’re just draining yourself trying to hold something up that isn’t holding you.
Start giving your energy to people who are willing to be who you need them to be for you.
Do the hard thing now, like releasing them from your life, so you don’t have to keep living with quiet disappointment later.
You know you’ve waited long enough.
You gave it the time it needed.
Endings of any sort hurt.
And the pain doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision; it means what you’re letting go of once mattered.
But it’s still necessary.
Hoping something will change won’t make it change.
You decide what change looks like for you.
The longer you hold on to what no longer serves you, the more you delay what is meant for you.
Grieve the loss.
Grieve the ending.
But know that what lies ahead is far greater than what you hoped for.
God will send the right people into your life, who see your value and who will support and show up in the way you need, just like they do for everyone else.
God will send the right people who will not just say, “I miss you,” while they see their other friends leaving you alone to yourself, but who will love on you and sit on your couch—not out of obligation, but because they truly care for you.
Above all, know that God loves and cares for you.
You are never alone.
He’s a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
We’re human, and we do crave relationships with others, but while we wait for the right people, God will hold us up—and when people drop us, He’ll still be there holding us.
People may let you down, but God never will.
Release what was, embrace what’s ahead, and trust Him to send the ones who are meant to stay.
Raphael R. Roker 